The Birch Harbor Asylum Homepage

Super Awesome Webpage of Author Kristen Selleck

The Evil Scientist's Blog

The 7.5 strangest mysteries in the field of Evil Science...

Posted on January 25, 2011 at 1:21 PM

I am supposing that most of you have wonderful normal jobs. You generally don't have to worry about the daily commute to the nearest hollowed out volcano, or your arch nemesis finding embarrasing pictures of you dressed like a kitten, because your mom posted them to your facebook page.

No... and you also don't have to look at a chalkboard above your lab bench which reads: Sucessful World Domination Plots... Me: 0, World: 2, 345.

Not that there aren't perks.  A crisp white lab coat is so impressive that no one cares what you wear under it.  It could be pajamas (it generally is for me.)

Anyhow, a good percentage of an evil scientist's day is spent in research and thinking (watching hulu/eating chips).  And there are a few things that stymy the greatest evil minds out there.  I thought I'd share them with the rest of you:

1.  We have the technology to make flying cars.  So okay, they look more like street legal planes, but whatever--basically, FLYING CARS.  How is it possible that we still can't recreate the Hoverboard from the Back to the Future Movies?

2.  We are currently in the process of cloning and bringing to life a wooly mammoth!  Which is awesome, nothing about this is a bad idea.  They're soooo cute, they have the word 'wooly; in their name for goodness sakes. The mystery?  We were able to sucessfully clone a sheep in 1996-- you would think the logical next step would be extinct prehistoric monsters-- what the hell took so long?

3. Dr. Vladimir Demikhov sucessfully grafted the head of a puppy onto a dog, creating the world's only two-headed dog.  He then preceeded to do this 19 more times.  Couldn't he have changed it up a bit?  Maybe throw a two-headed cat in there, or being an evil scientist, didn't he recognize the value of a two-headed shark?

4. In the 70's, as part of the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligent, we shot something called the Arecibo Message into space.  Losely translated, it reads something like this:
"Hi!  We're intelligent! We're made of meat! Here is where we live!"  Does anything about this seem awkward, or is it just me?

5. Japan now has the highest anount of evil/mad scientists per capita.  Plans are underway for them to build the world's first space elevator.  Which could not only launch ships, it could transport cargo... like building supplies... which is something you would need to build an evil lair on the moon...

6. Why is it that myths like: 'Albert Einstein was a raging Christian', or 'Albert Einstein failed math' persist even being easily disprovable, yet really cool things that sound mythlike and are true, such as: 'before Einstein was cremated, an evil doctor stole his brain and eyes, and we still have them and are studying the brain', is virtually unknown?

7.  And speaking of Einstein... Einstein's peers were some of the most amazing scientific minds ever.  Linus Pauling was perhaps, every bit as brilliant.  Niels Bohr and Einstein debated over quantum mechanics for years, and it looks like Bohr was the one in the right.  Yet we don't sit our kids in front of mind-numbing 'Baby Bohr' learning DVDs or toys.  And we don't have Linus Pauling on a refridgerator magnet.  Is having awesome hair the most important part of being a scientist??

     7.5.  Perhaps one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of all, also pertains to my hero, Einstein. Now, I love him, but the dude cheated on his wife with his cousin (she was both a first cousin on one side and second cousin on the other--don't ask me how that works), and then marries her.  And yet.... and yet, you never hear a single joke about Einstein and 'special relativity'.  Strange.

Categories: Secrets of Scientists

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

1 Comment

Reply scotty
8:37 PM on February 2, 2011 
evil/mad scientists should look like theyve had their tongue in the lightsocket too many would seriously believe them if they didnt. its like you wouldnt believe a boxer was really a serious boxer if he spoke as eloquently as the english royal just like boxers should sound like rocky ...mad scientists should appear to be 1 electron short of an oxygen atom..... ;)